Location - Malta: Valletta, Mdina, Comino cliffs

It was time to leave for a while, just for a week. A few days of different surroundings, radiant heat and room service. There would be no marathon hikes, bus tours, huge crowds or other similar aggravation - Actual relaxing.

Many of the pages of history have been written in, or about Malta. Among many - It has Italian, North African, French, and British influences, contributing to a truly one of a kind culture and language. Its people are warm and generous, you can throw a stick in any direction and hit a 10/10 restaurant, there is also sun. Needless to say, I think it’s great. If you also find yourself there in a similar pursuit, I’ve got advice:

Pastry.

The first-class lounge is worth it. I booked in advance and got there around 5am. If you don’t like being smashed in the shins by suitcases whilst being deafened, but you do like to sit peacefully whilst eating a fine croissant - the lounge is for you. Wait in supreme calmness until your gate is announced.

Fly in a suit.

I know it’s not as comfy as your elastic trousers. But did you ever ask yourself: how can I get treated more like a human being when I travel, and less like inconvenient rabble? The answer is, wear your suit. Choose a lightweight one, no tie is best.

It will also make you feel more organised and composed. This means a lot at the airport, where you need to be on top of your game. How well you perform here can make or break your trip before it’s even started - Feel prepared, act prepared.

Aside from this, it is the perfect clothing to travel in. It has many pockets for passports and mints, with built in layering for the wildly unpredictable plane temperatures. It is slightly hot when you land but it’s OK, the taxi has air con.

Nothin’ fancy.

You don’t need many things on a plane, you barely need anything on a sub 4 hour flight. Leave the gigantic neck pillows, blankets and any kind of disgraceful flip flop - but do bring the AirPods. Put the bag in the overhead and the noise cancel on. Instead of listening to strange rattling sounds and jet engines, listen to The Rolling Stones.

Don’t sleep - Eat cheese.

When you’ve had 2 hours of sleep, all you will want to do when you land is collapse on your cool, crisp hotel bed. This would be a mistake. You’ll wake up at 3:48 am the next day and be massively jet lagged. Instead - keep rolling. Go out into town for a few hours and pretend you’re not tired.

I found N’duja Osteria by chance when I was exploring some side streets, I saw the sign and just went in. My instincts did not let me down. The resplendent starter of pecorino slabs, grapes, dark honey and fresh loaves of bread, was so tremendous that I was in a state of disbelief for minutes.

Do front flips off a yacht, then swim to a clay island.

Nothing will make you feel more like an adventurer than jumping off a boat and swimming to an island. One of them was blanketed completely in a solid volcanic clay. You can’t just walk onto it, as wet clay is so slippery, it is impossible to walk on. You’ve got to slide ashore, then roll onto the dry clay. You’ll look a bit weird, but what can you do.

Always talk to your boat captain to hear stories from out at sea, and the science behind the luminous neon water. On the way back, remember to shout into the wind as you’re belting along the open ocean, it’s good for you.

Get up and dance (Even if you’re bad).

At Ta’ Marija there is - I kid you not - a levitating dance floor in the middle of the restaurant. After dinner, the music started, the lights went down and all the tables got up. I can’t really dance. I don’t even know how to do the Macarena, but I got up as well.

There are two good reasons for doing this. It’s more fun than being sat down doing nothing, but most importantly, when you have an opportunity to have a couple of laughs with good company - you should take it. It is not promised that you’ll get the chance again.

Past lives.

Within the historic walls of the Saint Elmo’s military fort, there is a very small stone chapel cut into the solid rock. I sat there for a long time in the cold shade, to examine the icon paintings, intricate domed ceiling, and carved walls. I thought about all the people from long ago who passed through here in search of a moment of peace, and what their days were like hundreds of years before my time.

Bring goggles, but don’t wear them all the time.

At the Grand Hotel Excelsior, you can take the elevator down to level 1 and basically step out onto a beach. Swimming in the sea is not overrated - it’s terrific. For the purest experience, go without goggles sometimes. The feeling of being one with nature is worth the salt in your eyes.

Stand on a big rock.

For maximum effect, do it with cold Aperol spritz. I don’t usually believe in herbaceous drinks as most of the time, they taste like a stock cube. This one however, is very good. Stand aloft and look out onto the horizon, ponder on the majesty of the universe.

No cones.

Walk at night with gelato, It feels special somehow. I think it's because of the illuminated streets of stone architecture, and the general calm and positive atmosphere. Be a professional - opt for the tub, the cone just melts f-cking everywhere. Not great when you’re wearing suede shoes.

Bring the spontaneous version of yourself, leave the map.

Rediscover the lost art of walking around without knowing where you’re going. A perfect place to try this is the extravagant limestone maze of Mdina. Thankfully, it’s quite small so eventually I found my way out.

The unbelievable Shipwreck Church of St. Paul, the Michelin acclaimed Grain Street restaurant, the Muza fine art museum - all happened as a result of wandering about without any plan whatsoever. You don't need to have a schedule for absolutely everything, be the exciting person you always wanted to be. You’ll get lost a lot of the time, but cool things will happen to you.

Drink white armagnac and watch the sunset on a balcony.

The Phoenician Hotel has a tranquil cigar terrace with ridiculously comfy sofas. I had never heard of white armagnac either, but I was being spontaneous so I said ‘let's get that’. Sink deep into the chair, and allow the cool winds to caress your spirit.

Ask for truffles (Sliced not grated).

No sauce, black truffle, guanciale, mozzarella, crisp base. In my 24 years on earth , I can guarantee you that I have eaten many pizzas, but I don’t think any of them were quite as good as the one I had at Casa Sotto.

Leave some free time before checkout.

This way, you can have one more walk along the beach, and then get espresso before you leave. If possible, get one with a talented and interesting resident. Not only will you learn all about the best places to visit next time, you will also walk away knowing a lot more about how to live life properly. Soon after, I was at Malta International Airport. I took a final look at the sky and stepped on a 12pm plane back to Manchester.

Today.

Don’t be like me. Unpack your bag the day you get back. As I’m writing this, I have still not fully unpacked mine. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to admit that the trip was over. Like the snowflake that lands on your hand and fades to water - such is the briefness of adventures like these, but this is why they are valuable after all.

I was awake very early every day so I could be first in line in the breakfast queue, and also, so I could get as much as possible out of the week. Because of this, I can’t say that I caught up on too much sleep. But what I did do, was catch up on being alive. I did a lot of that.

By

Arun Kirwin.

29/08/24 Kirwin Continental All Rights Reserved ©